Random messages from the Lair of The Beast BBS. If you weren't on it, some of these messages will hold no meaning for you. However, if you used to call The Lair, some of these messages will hold no meaning for you.
Cheeks & Steph make a phunny.
Speaking of killing hd's ... Icarus was running Mace the other day with the
cover off his machine ... no big deal, right? Well, for some reason he decided
to put the cover back on without waiting for it to finish... the machine
glitched in the process. (BTW: Mace is constantly re-writing the FAT, so if
that were to happen at any given moment when the FAT isn't there, the drive
would be history. I'd guess there's about a 5 second window every 15 seconds
or so that you could safely kill power.) ... anyway, he got lucky and only
lost about 5 files. Pretty skarry!
>CHEEKS!@
Subj ->HD'ZZZZzzzZZ!
Speaking of killing hd's.... Plato was running NWTW the other day with the left
palette over the killing destiny box...No big deal, right? Well, for some
reason he decided to reset the lower lobe on the fleshy javis w/o waiting for
it to finish. It isolated the meat in the process. (BTW: NWTW is constantly
re-writing the LARD, and if that happend when the LARD wasn't there, the lobe
would be primordial arcane destruction. I'd guess there's about a 25 light-
year hyperjump that you could safely land on Mars.) Anyway, he got lucky and
lost only about 15 DMA cycles while the CPU was in a wait state....
Pretty Scarry!
>leach@!
(seems funny after a few beers. I've started on the screamers! (Genny--NY
beer I got when visiting Space, Molder, and Punisher)
Whipsnap Rap on new job opportunities
You know, in times of recession falling into depression, people should
be able to get jobs being ass wipers in public restrooms. I mean, through a hole in the
wall in the stall with you. The hand would stick through, with a rubber glove on,
and a big wad of toilet paper. You would simply have to adjust your butt up and
direct their hand a bit, with either verbal instructions, or if you prefer, you
could manually direct them. You might become a regular at a certain stall where
you could catch up on the shop talk with your ass wiper.
"good morning, earny!", cheerfully sparked Mr. Green.
Subj ->Silicon Weenie
Yeah, the Badstreet daze.... (The screen gets all wavy, and when it clears,
cheex is sitting at his 64, fraically dialing #'s)... He calls Badstreet and
logs on new... he's had his modem for a bout a month, but he's never called an
Apple board. He starts posting, getting to know people, and some real nice
d00d named Mr. C*ffee leaves him mail saying: "Let's be friends!". So, cheex
is going along merrily, when suddenly, Sir Sid says: "What does your name mean?
Guess it means your an Anus!". Well, Cheex takes this as a personal affront,
and says something like "You wimpy Apple user" (Unbeknownst to him, Sid had a
commie). Well, that got Mariner riled up (for 2 reasons. 1. He's always been
an Apple user at heart, and 2. It don't take much), and he laid into Cheex.
Mr. C*ffee came to Cheex' aid, and Cheex was grateful, not realizing what and
asshole mister coughee was. So, a large war ensued, which lasted about a
month. Then Sir Sid (he's one with the Emotion Wheel that he spins whenever
something comes up, so he'll know how to react) suddenly decides he like Cheex,
and then he got invited to a party, then he introduce S-N-M to everybody, and
eventually became a regular guy. (The screen gets watery again, and finally
solidifies. We now see Cheex sitting in front of his IBM, posting something
meaningless on a local BBS).
Well, um, laters.
>>Cheeks
Lazlo Nibble rewrites the lyrics to a couple of Pink Floyd songs
In The Flesh
Are there any pricks with a modem out there?
Run Like Hell
You better run all night
[/\/oo\/\, after Waters]
Subject: wombats in June
Best comeback award
Subject: ..
Say no to random sex in bathrooms...
Subject: hey
Whip: don't you know that all your one-line/stupid posts make you look like a
total fool?
I haven't heard the new Metallica, 'cept one song - or part of one song. It
sounded pretty cool. I don't know if it's worth buying though.
n0vad00d
Subject: ..
Hey, n0vad0000000d: D0n't y0u kn0w that these naked pictures of y0u d0ing
wierd things with tw0 c0ws make y0u l00k pretty f00000000000000lish?? 0r this
avidavit fr0m y0ur 0ld third grade teacher mrs. Parker who makes references to
y0ur urine incident as being the main cause for y0ur inablity to speak
coherently, a c0nstant reminder y0u have carried since y0u st00d screaming
"niAgrA fALLS" in y0ur seat as the urine sprayed f0rth 0nt0 the head of Sally
McFealy wh0 sat in fr0nt 0f y0u. This incident shaping the 0bvi0us c0nt0rti0n
and pervers0n 0f a mind g0ne blank l0ng ag0 due t0 the stresses of peculiarity.
Let us direct our attenti0n t0 a signed afidavit fr0m y0ur high sch00l PE
C0ach, Jerry G0nzalez. According to c0ach G0nzalez he "f0und you naked in the
wrestling r00m with the football team's mascot, "sparky" the chuijaja
perf0rming bizare sad0-masacistic acti0ns inv0l0ving varying amm0unts of human
and dog feces. A self perptuating cycle 0f deeper and darker acts of
cont0rting promisquity with animals stemming fr0m a deep childh00d hang up on
bodily functi0ns. Sad and distorted as the story is, we, the true m0ral
concensus, can find no other verdict 0ther than to see y0u as 0nly one thing: A
stark naked raving animal clutching for the umbilicle chord of all that is
putrid and vile sucking and sucking and slurping out the p0is0n which infests
your decaying mentality with a puss of corruption.. Urinarily disfunctional,
cruel to the small and meekest of animals, lower than the cheapest stain of
human excrement, filled with the stench of a million drunk camels, covered with
the hideous grime of all that is foul and rotten of the bowls of the human
existance, puss spewing scar.
thank you for your time.
whip, chairman of the morally intact and exact, thats a fact.
Back to Ze Lair Arkives
Subj ->HD'z
From ->z'DH (#15) [Cheeks]
Date ->11/25/87
From ->WTF is he talking about?! (#60)
Date ->11/26/87
"Hello, Mr. Green." came the muffled response through the hole in the wall.
Green's large ass filled and sealed the hole in the seat. Spraying fart noises
rang out from the toilet. "Ohhh yeah, this one's going to be pretty messy,
earny!"
"Yes sir," came a some what thin voice.
"Boy," another spurt blasted out, "what'd you think of that raiders game,
eh?" the plip plop of a few greasy lumps dropping into the brown murk.
"Well, sir. I don't like foot ball." The voice was now slightly raspy.
"Humm.. well it don't matter.. ooops, here comes a-" (a large glazed sack of
brown plunged into the sludge with a big splooosh), "-nother one! OOOOOOhh
yeah!! Now that one was good."
There is a gurgling from behind the wall. "You OK in there son?"
A twisting cracking voice curled back, "sure, are you about done, sir?"
"Umm.. yeah," (plip plop), "OK now."
The rubber gloved hand came out through the hole with a large wad of toilet
paper grasped in it. Green stood up and straddled the hand.
"OK, and brush up and down real good now and if it's good I'll stuff a few
bucks through that hole, alright, son?"
"yes, sir," came the meek reply.
From ->Cheex (#15)
Date ->07/22/87
Silicon, don't take this personally, ok? You're a whining wimp. Please shut
the hell up.
/s
------------
So you
Thought you
Might like to
Log on the Lair
To read the new posts from the hackers
That congregate there
I've got some bad news for you PJ
Beastie's away at the movies today
And he left me behind to make sure you can't chat,
That the F.G. is down, and you'll never call back!
I expect that they will call
There's Bard on the leechlist -- he's a homeboy for sure!
Every hour he seems to call
And there's Totys Berdyl
And Thysa K. Too!
How is it these asswipes all seem to get through?
There's a Savage named "Sid"
And a wanker named "Pop"
If I had my way...
Calls from all of you'd STOP!
-------------
You better call the board up at
The highest baud you can
Never share your password
With another man
Better post good posts
And use lower case
Or I'll wipe your files and I'll trash your place
When your modem's shattered
And your megs formatted
And the feds have battered
Down your door -- You better run
And run all day
Place your calls from phone booths
On the way. And if you
Dial out in the
Dead of night
You better hope you're hid
Well out of sight
'Cause if you leave the slightest hint as
To just where you are,
I'm gonna hunt you and I'll find you
And you won't get far
You better run
From: Number VI
Date: Fri 05 Mar 93 12:22:30 am MST
I had just transfered in from the south pole. The climate in Australia
was much warmer than on the pole. At first I thought this would be a real pain
, seing as I'm a walrus and all, but watching the locals roaming about without
parkas or so much as an inch of sub dermal fat. Well, I have to admit it had
my weapon unsheathed. That was what got me into trouble.
Trouble came in the form of a slim lithe wombat with a deep accent and
a husky voice. She'd talk and her whiskers would trill rapidly up and down.
Now I was no stranger to the delights of the oposite sex. I'd even won my own
top of the rock and mated a dozen walrus cows last season but nothing and I
mean nothing had me prepared for her. It was June, late in the season.
We'd gone to the student union building for a fresh penguin parfai
(they don't make them nearly as well here) when she asked me slyly if I'd like
to go back to her place to see her furball collection. I could feel the
methane rise within me and I nearly exploded then and there. Grasping her
gently paw in flipper we headed to her room.
Her room was a small shack with a nice straw and shit motif wall paper.
Not that I had more then a minute to admire the wallpaper. She was on me with
claws flailing and musk EVERYWHERE. Instantly my walrushood was erect and
unsheathed, it's hooked tip gleaming with pre-cum.
"Oh yes baby, rub me up", she was incredibly hot. All six of her tits
were erect and her pilot hairs stiff around her glistening slit. I mounted her
from behind and grabbed a double flipper full of tits. She screamed as the
hairs of my dick rubbed the inside of her happy fun wombat cunt. She thrashed
and moaned but with 4 tons of blubbery man walrus on her she wasn't going
anywhere. Deep within me I could feel the chemical reactions churning as
methane and di-tetra thermite met in a catalytic reaction. Driving deeper with
every thrust I could feel my balls swelling with the heat. She screamed and
her whole body went stiff as her cunt grabbed me in orgasmic flury. I tried to
hold back in increasing pre-orgasmic pain and pleasure then let go with a
fiery explosion that spread me across the room in a lustful passionate embrace
with the wall paper.
Afterwords she smoked a cigarette and calmly called her maid to
scrape me off the walls...
6
From: whip\
Date: Sat 17 Aug 91 01:06:35 am MST
From: N0vad00d
Date: Sun 18 Aug 91 06:13:02 pm MST
From: whip
Date: Mon 19 Aug 91 04:26:46 pm MST